St. Francis vs. Dr. Fahey
Posts from Fiddleback Fever conscerning St. Scurrius:
Cownonization
One of the professors at Christendom ran over a squirrel on St. Francis' feast day. This is really funny. Or at least it's super ironic.
Anyway, the squirrel has just been proclaimed a martyr of the Cow Church by the true Cow Pope, Angus V. Only one miracle as been attributed to him: the cancelling of Latin 201 on October 13, 2004. We look forward to many of the same kind of miracles!
St. Scurrius, patron of Christendom's Latin students, pray for us!
All bear witness to this auspicious event! The feast day of St. Scurrius is the same as that of St. Francis.
John
Delhi, India
News from Delhi
In other news, a second Latin class was canceled yesterday, it is believed that this is the second miracle due to the intercession of St. Scurrius. Cow Church authorities are looking into this alleged miracle.
St. Scurrius?
Some people have questioned whether the martyred squirrel can be called a saint. It is known that the Bovine Church can call St. Scurrius a saint. As a follower of the First Council of Haymeadow, which says there is no salvation outside the barn, he was a frequent visitor to the barn. Also as a martyr, he only needs one miracle to be proclaimed a saint in the Cow Church. This miracle was the cancellation of Latin 201 on October 13, 2004, nine days after his death.
R. T. Sender
~ Cow Church Investigator
Life of St. Scurrius
While there is not much known about St. Scurrius, some rumors of his deeds and assassination attempts have appeared.
One day, on his way back home from the barn, he noticed two stupid hunters who had been out for two weeks without seeing a deer. He decided to stick around for a while. Just then one of the men saw a large deer and took aim. That is when St. Scurrius jumped out of the tree and landed in the guy's hair. This made the man fall out of his stand to the ground. The other man climbed down and they both left. St Scurrius then went to gather food for his family.
The next day the men were back with a keg of dynamite, two baseball bats, and a case of M80s. When the short fuse was lit St. Scurrius ran, but the men were caught in the blast. They were still alive when the game warden and police arrived and arrested them.
While some believe, some are still trying to prove that the killer of St. Scurrius was not one of these two men.
You will be kept up to date on this important investigation
R. T. Sender
~ Cow Church Investigator
IT'S A MIRACLE
To update everyone on the latest events of Latin, there has been andother miracle attributed to St. Scurrius. Another clas has been canceled.
So to recap, St Scurrius was myrtered October 4, 2004 (feast day of St. Francis) by a professor here. There is a picture of this professor trying to appologize to St. Francis for this happening. The first miracle was attributed October 13, 2004. And the newest miracle was attributed October 10, 2004.
AGAIN!
Another strange miraculous happening! The third miracle has been attributed to St. Scurrius on December 29, 2004.
Another Latin 201 class has been cancelled and was quickly declared a miracle. In fact he also canceled the Greek 101 class.
Cownonization
One of the professors at Christendom ran over a squirrel on St. Francis' feast day. This is really funny. Or at least it's super ironic.
Anyway, the squirrel has just been proclaimed a martyr of the Cow Church by the true Cow Pope, Angus V. Only one miracle as been attributed to him: the cancelling of Latin 201 on October 13, 2004. We look forward to many of the same kind of miracles!
St. Scurrius, patron of Christendom's Latin students, pray for us!
All bear witness to this auspicious event! The feast day of St. Scurrius is the same as that of St. Francis.
John
Delhi, India
News from Delhi
In other news, a second Latin class was canceled yesterday, it is believed that this is the second miracle due to the intercession of St. Scurrius. Cow Church authorities are looking into this alleged miracle.
St. Scurrius?
Some people have questioned whether the martyred squirrel can be called a saint. It is known that the Bovine Church can call St. Scurrius a saint. As a follower of the First Council of Haymeadow, which says there is no salvation outside the barn, he was a frequent visitor to the barn. Also as a martyr, he only needs one miracle to be proclaimed a saint in the Cow Church. This miracle was the cancellation of Latin 201 on October 13, 2004, nine days after his death.
R. T. Sender
~ Cow Church Investigator
Life of St. Scurrius
While there is not much known about St. Scurrius, some rumors of his deeds and assassination attempts have appeared.
One day, on his way back home from the barn, he noticed two stupid hunters who had been out for two weeks without seeing a deer. He decided to stick around for a while. Just then one of the men saw a large deer and took aim. That is when St. Scurrius jumped out of the tree and landed in the guy's hair. This made the man fall out of his stand to the ground. The other man climbed down and they both left. St Scurrius then went to gather food for his family.
The next day the men were back with a keg of dynamite, two baseball bats, and a case of M80s. When the short fuse was lit St. Scurrius ran, but the men were caught in the blast. They were still alive when the game warden and police arrived and arrested them.
While some believe, some are still trying to prove that the killer of St. Scurrius was not one of these two men.
You will be kept up to date on this important investigation
R. T. Sender
~ Cow Church Investigator
IT'S A MIRACLE
To update everyone on the latest events of Latin, there has been andother miracle attributed to St. Scurrius. Another clas has been canceled.
So to recap, St Scurrius was myrtered October 4, 2004 (feast day of St. Francis) by a professor here. There is a picture of this professor trying to appologize to St. Francis for this happening. The first miracle was attributed October 13, 2004. And the newest miracle was attributed October 10, 2004.
AGAIN!
Another strange miraculous happening! The third miracle has been attributed to St. Scurrius on December 29, 2004.
Another Latin 201 class has been cancelled and was quickly declared a miracle. In fact he also canceled the Greek 101 class.
posted by R. T. Sender at 10:34 PM
2 Comments:
Are you sure it was a good canonization? It seems like one of the things Ultra-trads are getting at these days is the infalidity of saints canonized by anyone recently, since they are less holy. Is this St. Scurrius up to par with the great saints of the past, namly St. Buckingham, the great deer of the East Woods, who performed great miracles in his life, and did not approve of the documents of the Second Council of Haymeadow? Isn't Scurrius' example of simply living his squirrel life, not caring for the fact that those precious lives he saved were not members of the barn, but rather were of the shed, that break of off the barn? Is it possible for a saint to communicate with such animals, even seeming to equate their foraging habits with his own, as Scurrius did in June of 2004? It is a common opinion with us (not that we have any power to make such a statement, but it must be said) that Scurrius was only canonnized for his conformity to the new theology of the Second Council of Haymeadow, where the saint is no longer anyone special or extraordinary, but simply the normal person trying to do their simple best.
But we are not wise enough to make such a decision.
Ibidem, President for the Society of St. Pillbug X.
By the way Chris, I found that Angelus magazine article I was talking about in Rome. i hope my satire isn't inappropriate.
"hope my satire isn't inappropriate."
No, what could I expect out of a schismatic follower of Pillbug X.
Post a Comment
<< Home